The Wonders of the Rectum

Yesterday, my last day on the orthopedic unit, I had the pleasure of inserting my first rectal medication on a 54-yr-old man. Butts are a funny thing, and here's why: the rectum is like some sort of crazy space-age vacuum hidden up there in your crack. Never before have I witnessed (nor felt) a more effective sucker-upper. I barely inserted the bullet-shaped laxative in the guy's chocolate starfish, when ZZZOOOOOP, up it went. "That's it??" I exclaimed in wonder. I need to tell my Dyson vacuum relatives about this...somehow...we must...harnish the power of the pooper. Imagine this, a vacuum designed after the human GI tract. For fun we could just make it into like a little dude with his pants down. As you vacuumed, it would be like he was scooching his ass along the carpet! We could make the hand-held vacuum accessory look like a dog for obvious reasons. Oh, the green we could acquire Mr. British Dyson man!

Note: For all who are wondering, I did indeed double-glove my insertion hand. My instructor said that if I went in without the extra protection and something tore, I would never be the same again. Always, ALWAYS listen to your instructor when it comes to bum precautions.